How to Talk to Your Partner About Kinky Sex and What You Want

Looking to spice things up in your sex life, but not sure how to approach the topic of kinky sex with your partner? Here’s how to not make it awkward.

Thanks to Fifty Shades of Grey, people are getting more and more comfortable with exploring kinky sex. If you’re one of those people, you might be wondering how to discuss your desire to try out BDSM in the bedroom with your partner. As scary as that prospect might be, you can definitely talk about your interests with your partner.

Need some help figuring out how to discuss kinky sex with your partner? Read on to learn how to do it!

Bring It Up Outside of the Bedroom

People say a lot of things when they’re in the heat of the moment, but spilling your kinky secrets in the middle of sex can put the kibosh on your sex session. When it comes to discussing what you do and don’t like to do in the bedroom, it’s best to wait until you’re both mentally and physically present for the conversation.

Choose a time to bring it up when you both have time to discuss the issue at length. Maybe it’s when you’re cuddled up on the couch after dinner, or maybe it’s while you’re lounging in bed the next morning. Make sure you feel comfortable and there are no distractions around, and you’ll be good to start talking.

Need a casual way to bring it up? Suggest you compare results on an online BDSM test for fun to open the door to a deeper conversation about your kinks.

Prepare Examples

If you’re familiar with what you want to explore, but your partner is less experienced, then you should consider prepping examples of what you would like to try out. When it comes to kink and BDSM, there are a lot of different scenarios that come to mind for something as simple as getting tied up. Maybe you are interested in something as simple as restraints, but your partner might think you’re interested in rope play.

You can do this in a lot of different ways, but one of the best ways to do is to queue up some good old fashioned pornography. You can also pull up your favorite sex toy website and show them the types of things you want to bring into the bedroom.

The more clear you are about what you want to try out, the easier it’ll be to incorporate into your sex life.

Ask Your Partner About Their Fantasies

Believe it or not, you’re probably not the only one who is interested in exploring your kinks, in fact, your partner might have quite a few hidden away. Help facilitate the discussion about your sex life by asking your partner what kind of fantasies they want to indulge in.

Treat your partner how you would like to be treated when they’re explaining their kinks. That doesn’t mean you have to agree to try everything, but if they bring up something with which you are not comfortable, respectfully decline. Try suggesting something similar that you’re more comfortable with.

Suggest Exploring Kink Together

The best way to explore kinky sex is to do it together with your partner, but you don’t have to jump in the deep end right away.

If you or your partner are interested in trying new things, start slowly to determine whether a particular kink is right for you and your relationship. For example, if you’re interested in impact play, start out with some light spanking to get a feel for it. Move on to more intense forms of impact play when you and your partner are comfortable.

Not only is the exploration process fun and sexy, but it can also help you reach a new level of intimacy in your relationship.

Discuss Hard and Soft Limits

Remember that iconic scene in Fifty Shades of Grey where Ana and Christian discuss their contract? While it doesn’t typically go down like that in a relationship, you should spend some time with your partner discussing your hard and soft limits when it comes to kink.

Soft limits refer to activities you might be willing to try if certain conditions are present. These are generally things that don’t appeal to you, but they appeal to your partner.

Hard limits refer to activities that you will not or cannot participate in. For example, many people might place hard limits on things like choking. You and your partner should not attempt to coerce each other to engage in activities listed as hard limits.

Consider a Safe Word

It’s easy to get caught up in sexual activities, and sometimes certain kinks make traditional words like “no” and “stop” unavailable to indicate your desire to stop an activity. That’s why setting a safe word is a great way to make sure you don’t have to continue to engage in activities that are making you uncomfortable.

Safe words can be anything you want them to be. Some people choose the color red, like a stoplight. Others choose completely random words for their safe word.

No matter which word you choose, make sure you and your partner know what it is and stop what you’re doing when you hear it.

Understand Aftercare

Another topic you should discuss with your partner is aftercare.

Aftercare is a time for recovery after sex or BDSM scenes in which you and your partner make sure your physical and emotional needs are met. It helps you bring yourself back to a state of regularity, especially after you have engaged in a particularly taxing BDSM scene.

Aftercare can include things like cuddling or grabbing food or a drink for your partner. Maybe you grab them a warm blanket if they’re cold. Discuss which types of aftercare you’d like to engage in with your partner.

Get Ready for a Lot of Kinky Sex!

Bringing up your desire to explore kinky sex with your partner can seem like a daunting task, but exploring it can bring a whole other level of intimacy to your relationship. Be sure to respect each other’s limits, and consider coming up with a safe word in case you hit a limit you didn’t know you had.

Want to enhance your sex life by adding sexy toys and lingerie to your arsenal? You’re in the right place. Check out Freaky Kiki’s for everything from sexy bedroom gear to erotic BDSM toys.